Bardenfreude

Correctly quoting an oft-misquoted line of Shakespeare (‘all that glisters’, ‘dreams are made on’), then watching someone’s discomfort when, having challenged you over its accuracy, they actually look it up.

Cardenfreude

Exulting in a player from the football team you don’t support being mistakenly cautioned or sent off.

Embargenfreude

Hand-rubbing glee at the royalties lost by a musical act you deeply dislike after their new album is leaked on to the internet.

Gardenfreude

‘Accidentally’ allowing pernicious weeds to self-seed themselves into your neighbour’s just-too-perfect plot.

Hardenfreude

Noting with approval that the concrete laid down by gratingly loud, cheerful or chauvinist roadworkers has been ruined by a dog and subsequently set.

Haydenfreude

The satisfaction of seeing a character played by an irritating actor suffer mutilation, torture or death.

Lardenfreude

Becoming slimmer than someone who has always been slimmer than you.

Pardonfreude

Passive-aggressively facing down somebody who invariably asks you to repeat things, even though they’ve heard you perfectly well, by remaining silent until they cave in and reply.

Schadenboyde

Discreetly savouring someone else’s irksome child getting told off for something they haven’t actually done.

Schadendroide

Wanting a piece of technology to ‘suffer’ (through a flat battery, scratched case etc) because it has annoyed you, whether by malfunction or merely design.

Yardenfreude

Inward satisfaction when someone officially obliged to do otherwise (teacher, shopkeeper etc) unconsciously lapses back into using Imperial measurements.

Tags: schadenfreude